“Somewhere Along the Way”

Somewhere along the way
I lost the power to make myself happy.

I don’t know how it came to be
or how long it’s been that way.
I only know that it has left me sinking
flailing wildly
reaching for a hand to hold.

Somewhere along the way
I stopped taking control of my own destiny.

Now I’m afraid I don’t know how
to continue living.
I only know how to exist
how to reflect the glow of someone else
not how to shine with my own brilliant light.

“Force of Nature”

Where did my fire go?
When did I lose that quality that drew every eye?
What happened to make me dull,
a hollow shell of myself?

I don’t feel the fire anymore
I don’t feel the heat
I keep reaching for it
searching for it where it used to be.
But it’s gone
doused or stolen or just lost

I don’t have the faintest idea how to rekindle that flame
I keep hoping it will just appear
renewed and revived
burning brighter and stronger and more powerful than ever before.

It won’t.

Not on its own at least.
Not without a lot of searching
not without finding the passion that fuels my fire.

I have passion in spades, but not when it comes to myself.

When I look at myself I see the scared and angry girl
sitting in a hallway
with friends all around her
trying to tell her that the love of her young life is gone
forever.
When I look at myself I see a woman
who married a man
without knowing who he was marrying.

I have been called many things
a force of nature
an amazing woman
a creative being.
I want to be all those things
and I want to share them with you.

I don’t want to be alone in the journey of my life.

“Charms”

my heart is cleaved
a quartet of pulsing chambers
split
each longing for the missing piece that makes
a whole

a hole
too small to notice
but large enough to trap
my heel
sent me tumbling, careening, nearly struck
alive, but barely

at first a feeling
a pulse
too small to notice but building
gaining strength
emotion overcoming, enveloping sensations
rapture

alive, but barely
little bird in my hands
sacred life saved, but for what?
caged
she cannot soar

wrap me in your arms
take away
this agony, this sorrow, this loss
tears leave trails
wet
raw reminders of regret

sore, sullen, raw
my heart a ravaged thing
torn open
left to bleed tears of blood and sadness
crying
this loss too great

two halves
drawn together with delicate stitches
bound
in memory, in longing, in love
a union of souls

Drawing on a lot of pain and sadness is all too easy, even when parts of this poem inspired by Reverie Twenty-One were actually ‘charms’ of happier moments. Forgive the sadness inherent in these words, folks.

Also linked to Poets United’s Poetry Pantry #100.

“Hello, Goodbye”

moments of clarity
jumbled and crushed by the icy chill of regret
of heartache
of knowing what was, and what might have been
what should have been

there is no more breath
to speak of love
to speak of sadness
to speak of fear, and hurt, and most of all longing

shadows surround
consuming a heart that yearns to be open
twisting my joy into sorrow