Make it stop, make it go away. Please?
I can’t do it for myself. I won’t. It’s part of me. Intrinsic to my very nature.
But it slices deeper every time, until I’m hanging by a thread. And I’m losing my grip on even that.
I don’t want to lose it. Don’t want to lose that which was shared. That which I cling to so perilously. The ego, the hunger for love screams and kicks and bites. A childish tantrum. And I can’t make it stop.
Won’t make it stop.
Want it to stop.
Want it to stop, to leave me in peace, to quiet my soul, to let me find that one moment of calm.
Around me a tornado rages and I lose all control. Whirling, spinning, raging. Tearing everything down. Love, Hate, Pain. Nothing stands until it is gone. And then pain finds its way back faster, racing to the wreckage of my heart.
I love you. I want to not hurt you. To not hurt. But it seems impossible.
This sickness refuses to release me.
Do I have to choose?